In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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