I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
