I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize