8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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