I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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