Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
