the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
