He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
