He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
