haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
