well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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