You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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