she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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