The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
