I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
