big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
