he told me I talked like a deaf person
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
