I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
