remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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