So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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