if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i would punch a child for taco bell
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
