just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
