she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
