No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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