I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
