i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize