I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
