I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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