all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
