Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
