fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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