what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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