We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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