You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
