the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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