You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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