Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
