Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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