I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sorry my hands just texted you
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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