therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My hand turned me down
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
