Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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