"it" just moved
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
