I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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