how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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