Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize