if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
