Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
