you didnt know i had herpes?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
