Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
