so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
