yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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