she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize