Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
