FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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