i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
