So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
BRING THE BAGELS
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
