I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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