She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
