Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It was a blind-side dick pic.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
