Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
