i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
