You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
