so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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