I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Two words: nipple clamps
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