if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
