I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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