I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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