I hope mine doesn't look like that
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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