UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
