the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
40s are totally the cure
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
