college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i out mim tonsoeep
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
