Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
