Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize