one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
