I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
