I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
