He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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