how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
