someone owes me an orgasm
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
