I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
