I love black thongs
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
