I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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