i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I need to stop coming to work sober
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
