When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
