I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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