She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
