Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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