Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
