big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
