Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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