i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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