the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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