i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
