one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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