and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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