My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
