Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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