so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
