This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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