Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
