I bet he comes in French.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
