hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
